Toddlerwise: Potty Training Made Easy (Part 2)

3 ways to do it:

1. Progressive Potty Training

2. Casual Potty Training

3. Relaxed Potty Training

Progressive

• focus, repetitive, and concentrated attention
• needs a block of time (1-4 days)
• snacks (increase thirst & rewards)
• drinks (increase urine output  & rewards)
• equipment needed (teddy bear or baby doll to demonstrate with your child from drinking to cleaning up)
• before you start (1-2 days before), talk it up and get her motivated
• wake-up, put on training pants, eat a bland breakfast, and watch with doll
• step 1 – fill sippy cup with motivational drink and use with the doll
• step 2 – check doll for dryness and praise for being dry and then give her a treat
• step 3 – put doll on potty and put water beforehand in the potty, make a pssss sound and reward doll for going potty (treat & praise), wipe, pull up pants, empty potty in toilet, flush, and wash hands.
• step 4 – ask your child if she is dry, if yes, then she gets a reward.
• step 5 – the child sits on the potty for 4-10 minutes (read to her, watch a DVD, etc.) but make sure never to a point of frustration.  If there is no potty yet and the child gets bored/active, try again in 20 minutes.  Show your child the double reward in your hand.  If she goes – praise, treat, and can call dad or grandma/papal.  Make sure to keep asking, “Are you dry?” and “Do you have to go potty?”.
• reward the right things: For staying dry & clean, not only for going potty.  The why of potty training is staying dry and the how is going potty in the potty.
• staying dry  and clean are the objective and reward.  If you are getting that then you are half way there!

Casual and Relaxed

• wait if your family is going through a transition (move, illness, new baby, etc.)
• use the potty chair with your child on a regular basis (before & after naps, bed time, when they wake up, etc.)
• be at home 2-3 days at 1st and be on a consistent routine
• reward for being dry and clean, not just for going potty in the potty
• have patience

*I would recommend reading On Becoming Potty Wise for more details on potty training.*

Toddlerwise: Potty Training Made Easy (Part 1)

This is a summary of chapter 7 of “On Becoming Toddlerwise”.

*The important thing is that you need to wait until their bodies are ready!

*Your child’s ability + willingness = success

*Readiness starts with the child, training starts with the parents.

Bladder Readiness:

Boys = 24 & 32 months

Girls = 20 & 26 months

1. Awakening Phase (18-24 months) – New sensation=bladder pressure.

2. Mediating Phase (22-32 months) – They learn they can control the release and cause and effect happens.  Pressure, urinating sensation, then a wet diaper.  They do it and then want it changed.  They can usually hold it for 2-4 hours.

3. Educational Phase – They know what to do when they have to go potty. They can pull their pants down, release in potty, wipe, flush, etc.

Daytime vs. Nighttime

• A toddler is able to achieve daytime bladder control between 24-32 months (8 month period).
• A toddler is able to achieve nighttime bladder control between 24-42 months (18 month period).

Your child may show signs of readiness by:

• staying dry for 2 + hrs.
• regular bowel movements
• dry during naps
• goes somewhere to go potty
• holds herself/diaper when wet
• interested in pull-ups
• wants to imitate siblings/parents
• follows simple directions

Secondary signs:

• puts toys away
• plays for 5 minutes with one toy
• dresses and undresses self
• names urine and poop

Bowel Training – starting at 20 months, the bowels become predictable and mom can put the child on the potty.  It should be easier for kids than bladder training because the kids have more time to get to the potty without an accident and it is less often and more predictable than bladder training.  I however, found it to be a little more challenging because Ella was scared to go in the big potty.  She was bladder trained at 17-20 months, but still at 30 months would only go in her little training potty for pooping.  She refused to go in the big potty (unless we were at someone else’s house and had no option of a little potty).  Ella went to her grandparents’ house for a few days, so I hid the little potty and when she got back I told her it was gone and so she went in the big potty great (31 months old).  Make sure to use rewards and encouragement.  You may want to buy a toy for her if she poops for three days in a row and use stickers everyday.

The Importance of Timing

A. When to not start it:

• your child is sick
• you are moving
• relational transition (death/birth)
• family crisis
• extended  guests
• early months of pregnancy for mom
• can’t do it full time

B. When to do it:

• you have the time
• you have the support of your spouse
• you have no major transitions

Materials Needed:

• potty seat (that fits on the toilet) – great for traveling
• potty chair
• pull-ups
• doll (or teddy bear) to wear the pull-ups too and to demonstrate how to do it
• rewards (stickers/snacks)
• sippy cup

For Nighttime Dryness:

1. Limit fluids after 6pm (only water after dinner).

2. Go potty before bed (this is very important!).

3. Never scold for bed wetting (remember the you want to reinforce/praise/reward for staying dry, not just for going potty in the potty).

Other Advice:

*Give little boys Cheerioes in the toilet to aim for and if he makes a mess, then he can help you clean it up.

*If your kid doesn’t have the desire, don’t fight it, try it later.

*You can do underwear in the daytime and pull-ups at night (this is what we do for Ella).

*I would recommend reading On Becoming Potty Wise for more details on potty training.*

Sleep Disruptions: Rolling, Standing, Crawling, etc.

If your child’s sleep is being disrupted because a new skill is being learned, you are not alone. This can be frustrating for the parent, but there is little you can do.  Your baby has a new skill and wants to practice it over and over! You can find this occurring in the early months with rolling and standing up.

Here are a few tips:

• I know you are wondering how soon the disruption of rolling, sitting, standing, etc. will pass.  Well, your baby needs to physically be able to get himself back into the preferred sleeping position. So the question is do you continue to do it for him or require him to learn to do it? For me, this affected both my kids.  For Ella, it was about a week for rolling over.  With Jackson, it was almost 4 weeks for standing up (because he couldn’t get back down).  This seemed to only affect naps, not nighttime.  I went in and helped Jackson lay back down.  With Ella, I would go in and roll her back over. Some babies end up liking it better in the new position if you give them time to CIO and work it out on their own (or they get too exhausted and eventually fall asleep that way and figure out it is not so bad after all). So, if your baby is physically capable of getting back into position on his own, you might want to let him work it out. Otherwise, he might start to enjoy your visits :). But I would be sure this is something he is capable of and that it is something he can do without much effort or he might get too worked up to get there and never fall asleep.
• I would recommend to get through it quickly, is to practice a lot! Take time during waketimes to work on the skill with your baby. Do it on the floor and in the crib. Help him get the practice in during waketime so hopefully he won’t insist on it as much at nap time. Once he is capable, it won’t be such a novelty.
• You may have a problem with him practicing and then falling asleep late. He works on it, then he is overly tired and wakes up early from his nap because of it. In this case, you just need to accept the fact that it is happening. It WILL pass. Do the oh well thing and move on with the day. Pay special attention to sleep cues so your baby doesn’t get overly tired before the next nap.
• As your baby gets older and you know he can comprehend your language, you can go in and lay him down and tell him it is nap time and not playtime and to go to sleep. This might not work for all children, but it will for some.

Hang in there! It won’t last forever, but it is sure to repeat itself in another form! Just keep working on it and be patient. It WILL pass.

Pacifiers

Pacifiers can be used for:

• infants who need to suck a little longer after a feeding time
• infants who nurse efficiently and lasts a total of 5-10 minutes at feedings
• extended time between feedings when baby is fussy, not hungry

I used a pacifier with Ella until she was 4 months old and then I weaned her off.  She was a really efficient nurser and just liked to suck the pacifier sometimes when she was awake. She started sucking her two middle fingers to soothe herself and preferred that to a pacifier. I was really careful not to use it often or too early on (I wanted her to get used to nursing first).  I tried to use a pacifier with Jackson a few times, but he never really took it.  However, he never really cried a whole lot as a baby and started sucking his thumb early on to soothe himself.  I view using a pacifier after 6 months as a sleep prop that the child can’t control for a long time, so I wouldn’t recommend using it after then.

Baby Wise recommends weaning your baby from the habit of a pacifier at 6 months.

I have found that many moms find pacifiers become a disruption at some point in their young babies lives. They find themselves waking up often to re-insert the pacifier. They find naps are cut short and baby won’t sleep without mom reinserting it. For some moms, this is fine. No problem. For others, this has caused them to reevaluate and then drop the use of a pacifier.

I read on another parenting blog that many moms who used the pacifier without negative effects wouldn’t re-insert it over and over. They would do it once or twice, but no more. Then the baby did cry-it-out. In that case, the baby was learning to self-soothe without the use of a pacifier.

If you use a pacifier and are experiencing sleep troubles, you may want to evaluate to see if maybe the pacifier is the reason. If it is, then decide what you want to do about it.

I personally think pacifiers do interfere with sleep. You will probably find more babies with nap problems who use a pacifier than with babies who don’t use a pacifier.  This affects babies during nap times, but especially at night.  This is because a nap can simply be short enough to not experience that problem. I think mainly because the baby’s pacifier falls out and they are woken up because they need it to get back to sleep and can’t put it back in themselves.  This is why teaching your child to self-soothe (without a sleep prop like a pacifier) is vital from birth.

*Baby Wise strongly suggests to not use the pacifier as a plug whenever your baby fusses or especially as a sleep prop (It is a sleep prop if your child cannot go to sleep without having their pacifier.).

I recommend this site for some good information on using the pacifier (especially for the advice on how to wean your baby from it when you are ready to do so).

Also remember, using the pacifier is neither a right nor wrong issue; often it comes down to preference and what each parent is able to handle regarding the issue of baby’s cry.

Related Post: Sleep Props

Monsters Under the Bed

I read this blog post a few months back and thought it was great.  If your child is waking up in the middle of the night because he/she is scared or had a bad dream, hopefully this post will give a good perspective on how we can help our children out as parents.

I am going to add a few words to my middle of the night hugs and kisses routine. Yes, Caly-girl, we live in a scary world, but we don’t need to be afraid. The monster has been crushed. And the One who crushed him, He’s right here in this room.

Poll: Bottle to Sippy Cup

Help other readers out on this blog!

When and how did you transfer your child completely to a sippy cup from a bottle?

Remember: Your comments will not show up right away since they have to be approved by me first.

Toddler Wise: Naps/Sleep

• Naps are not an option based on your child’s desires.  When nap time comes, your toddler must go down.
• For optimal development, children need daytime rest periods.
• You will drop down to 2 naps a day at (by) 8 months (However, Jackson dropped down to 2 naps at 6 months and Ella at closer to 7 months).
• You will drop down to 1 nap a day by 16-18 months (However, Jackson and Ella dropped down to one nap at 12 months).
• When your child is around 18 months (or as soon as you drop his morning nap), your child will transition to one longer nap usually right after lunch.
• Your toddler is ready to drop his morning nap when he is no longer sleeping/sleeping well during his afternoon nap and takes a long morning nap.
• When you transition your child to one nap, move your lunch and afternoon nap “up” by at least 1/2 hour.  For example, you usually have your child eat lunch at 12:30 and nap in the afternoon at 2:00.  During the transition to one nap, you will have him eat lunch between 11:30-12:00 and put him down for his afternoon nap between 1:00-1:30.
• When he is not cranky in the morning, his stamina has returned and you may return to the normal lunch and afternoon nap schedule at 12:30 and 2:00, like the rest of your kids.
• Keep your morning routine as consistent as possible, especially when you switch to one nap.

Toddler Wise: Appetite vs. Hunger

Appetite is triggered by sight and smell.

Hunger is biological and occurs when the blood sugar drops.

• Appetite has nothing to do with hunger.
• Have special snack times.
• Offer the same food as the rest of the family.
• Many finicky eaters are created, not born.
• Don’t make meal time a war zone.
• Americans overfeed their children (It is normal for each time they eat to eat 1 tsp per age of child per food).
• Avoid giving a child too much to drink (8 oz in a sippy cup at a time is enough).
• If a child eats too little and picks at his/her meals, they are having too many snacks.  You can set your timer for your toddler to eat and when it goes off, if they are not done eating, then they don’t get dessert and/or snacks the next day.

Snacks

• You don’t have to offer snacks everyday.
• Use moderation.
• Don’t use food to avoid conflict or pacify sad emotions.
• Have a consistent place for snacking.
• Offer snacks in the afternoon, such as right after their nap.
  

Toddler Wise: The Mind of a Toddler

This post is a summary of chapter three in the book On Becoming Toddler Wise by Gary Ezzo & Robert Bucknam.

• Boundaries are important.  There are two types of boundaries: Physical boundaries (for their health & safety) and Neurological boundaries associated with learning (where a toddler’s brain sets its own boundaries and has its own way of organizing).  As parents, we need to set appropriate boundaries for our children.
• We need to help stimulate an efficient knowledge processing system during the critical 14-40 month period.  That is a “must-attain” goal for parenting.
• The real thing is better than books and books are better than t.v./videos (passive learning).  Taking your child to the zoo to learn about different animals is better than reading books about the different animals, and reading about different animals is better than watching a video on them.  Try to make your child’s learning hands-on with real-life experiences when possible.  Then reading books and watching videos on those things will help your child make connections to their real-life experiences.
• Passive learning (watching t.v./videos) disorganizes the brain because the responsive side of the brain is increasingly left unattended.
• We should give our children structure, guidance, and proactive teaching.
• We should be directors of knowledge, not facilitators of learning.
• Parents need to give a child an environment suitable for learning and proactively direct their  child’s educational opportunities.
• Learning is best with order and routine (repetition).
• Freedoms that are aligned with your child’s self-control = developmental harmony.

12 Month: Sample Schedule

12 Month Sample Schedule: Approximately 51-54 Weeks

• I continue to be consistent with teaching/showing Jack to sign: “all done”, “more”, “eat”, and “please” (Jack can sign: “all done” and “more”).
• We continue to include Jack in prayer time before meals and modeling folding our hands when we pray.  He will now fold his hands when we say the word pray and model it for him (but not for very long).
• I continue to sign “no” to Jack in a firm voice if he blows raspberries, spits out his food, throws his food on the floor, puts his messy hands in his hair, and/or screams while eating.
• I give Jack his sippy cup with whole milk &  bites of what we are eating as a family during lunch & dinner.
• I would recommend putting whole milk in your baby’s sippy cup twice a day this month (during the two day feedings) if you are giving him/her a bottle.  If you are nursing, you could wean one-two nursings and give your baby a sippy cup for the one-two daily liquid feedings.  Some of my friends have quit nursing and/or the bottle cold turkey at 12 months.  They went straight to just a sippy cup for all the liquid feedings (either 4 a day or 3 a day with the family meal schedule).  They have found it to work out well.  Both my kids have not taken to the sippy cup too well, so I started with the daily feedings (mainly because they wouldn’t take much from a bottle anyway) and then gradually took out the bottle at morning and night.  You can try what you think is best for your kids and let me and our readers know what worked well for you.
• Start to feed soft chopped foods/what the rest of the family is eating this month.

*note the times are approximate.  It probably won’t take you 30 minutes to nurse and then another to eat, the important thing is the order.

8:00-8:30am nurse/bottle (whole milk)

8:30-9:00am breakfast (oatmeal/20z fruit chopped like banana or pears, etc.)

9:00-10:00am wake time

10:00-12:00pm nap

12:00-12:30pm wake time

12:30-1:00pm lunch (2oz fruit chopped like banana or pears, etc./4oz yogurt/whole milk in sippy cup and/or bites of what we are eating)

1:00-2:00pm wake time

2:00-4:00pm nap

4:00-5:30pm wake time

5:30-6:00pm dinner (4oz chopped veggies like peas, green beans, cooked carrots etc./2oz chopped meat like turkey, chicken, or ham, etc./whole milk in sippy cup and/or bites of what we are eating)

6:00-7:45pm wake time

7:45pm nurse/bottle (whole milk) and put to bed